I’ve been counting stars as well as sheep lately. I’ve also discovered just how many jokes you can make using “ewe” instead of “you” or vice versa, although the ewes themselves don’t think I’m very funny.

This afternoon I was walking around the farm making sure all the animals were okay for the night, noting a stillness not only permeating through the air but through me as well. It was so breathtaking that it took me a full moment to notice that not only was there quiet outside but that there was quiet inside as well.

Then one of the ewes heard my footsteps coming and anticipating food or a pat on the head, starting “bahhhing” and brought me back to the present. But really, that stillness was the present. One of the most important things I’ve been tackling since I got here is mindfulness. This remembrance to exist in the present moment has taken some wrangling, but has been worth every step- even though I’m still not there yet.

I started a scarf the other day and when I was almost finished, noticed that I had messed up in several places due to not paying attention to what I was doing. For awhile I tried to ignore it, but in the end, ripped it out to start again. Somehow in ripping it out, I was able to start anew without worry that I was going to mess up or wrap the yarn the wrong way or lose my concentration.

In giving myself a tabula rasa, I was able not only to raise my awareness of my actions, but also to quell the anxiety I was having over knitting the pattern correctly. In allowing myself to abandon any thoughts of failure or incompetence and giving myself the freedom to screw up and begin again without guilt, my fingers flowed through the stitches quicker than before.

In paying attention to what I was doing, instead of solely trying to finish as soon as possible, my mind finally cooperated with the pattern making the end result much more beautiful than my first attempt.

I am always a bit shellshocked when such simple actions become clear to me, like someone turned on a light bulb or took away blinders that I didn’t even know existed. All too often, I find myself fighting against the current trying to think up new ideas and better ways to do things, my mind going at whip speed. It always leads to frustration and angst.

Yet, when I find myself really truly in the present, projects for the future never fail to rain down on me like manna. As if I don’t already have enough projects on my plate, watch this space.

Next week, I’m heading back to London to check out two exhibitions:
.Her Noise at the South London Gallery. I just wish I was there at the weekend to participate in the incredible sounding We’re Alive, Let’s Meet! get togethers led by the always brilliant Emma Hedditch.
.The Christmas Exhibition show for Fine Cell Work, a charity that teaches inmates needlepoint, so they can learn, create and earn a bit of money while in prison

Also exciting is my first London Knitting Exchange meeting!

While I’m not running around town getting craft supplies to make things to sell at a craft fair 26 November at Here in Bristol, I will be taking a few minutes to sit down and read notes from the Craftivism panel last week, anxiously twiddling my thumbs for the full transcript that will be up in January!