i’ve had some time lately to think about where i want to go in life, what i want to do.

as i may have said before, i want to eventually be in a position where i am writing, researching and teaching, with a little bit of traveling thrown in here and there.

and it’s become overly clear to me that an overarcing theme in my life has been ‘i just didn’t want it bad enough,’ despite the fact that i thought i did.

i spent way too long trying to convince people to work with me instead of realising that if i wanted to implement any change it honestly had to begin inside me and crafted by my own two hands, not waiting on anyone else to swoop in and tell me where to go next. those people come along once you have already started the journey.

i have stockpiles of research on the sociology of knitting and where it bisects with feminism, history, domesticity, oral tradition, the list goes on and on. but i’m currently wondering if i decide to go down that road, where will it ultimately lead me?

another person with a wealth of knowledge that is arcane and ridiculous?

i have projects (in various stages) lying around my house for charity, but watching the current news, it all just seems ridiculous given the events in southeast asia.

everything i do seems so small and unimportant until i realise that need encompasses more than just one tragedy, no matter how massive the scale.

and i begin to knit again, write again, photograph again, see again.

all the paths lying out before me, all scattered with a ream of paper full of information about why people craft, hoping it will make sense eventually.