Studium. Punctum. Magic.

I love how some books, days, people, experiences can seem to almost alter your DNA, seem to change you forever. Like they snuck in when you weren’t looking and scrambled things into a better working format. I love that sense of lightness that pops up when you’re growing and don’t know it yet.

In looking through my photographs from the past 3 years, I came across 6 distinct photos from 6 different moments that hit me to the core. From top, left to right: Visiting a bus a new friend was converting to a living space in the country outside San Francisco, watching the sunset on Cadillac Mountain in Maine, a loved one’s hospital gown before major surgery, a Swoon piece in San Francisco’s Mission District, visiting inquisitive lambs in upstate New York and peppers hanging on the street in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

I love how in looking back each one of those photos denotes a specific place and state of being where I was in the process of growing and learning something important, but had no idea of how much until months later. When I look at them through the eyes of Roland Barthes when he was writing Camera Lucida, their punctum leaves me reminded of their individual importance.

From the Camera Lucida entry on Wikipedia: The book develops the twin concepts of studium and punctum: studium denoting the cultural, linguistic, and political interpretation of a photograph, punctum denoting the wounding, personally touching detail which establishes a direct relationship with the object or person within it.

When you find old photographs or even look again at photos that have been on the fridge for years, do you really see where you’ve come since then? Can you pinpoint the studium and the punctum and be taken back to that very moment?

I love that there is magic in revisiting, relooking and remembering.

oh, roland.

lately i’ve been housebound writing graduate school essays. i’ve been reading lots of really boring philosophers and sociologists in an effort to back up what i’m talking about. currently i’m writing my last essay (due on tuesday) about found photography. i’ve been looking at a lot of photographs on isthisyou.co.uk and thinking about people’s inspirations for their endeavours.

being stuck in a house with a laptop, a mound of books and way too much cold coffee has reminded me of how much energy i get from the city around me. and how many ideas. while i’m also inspired by the kind emails from people i haven’t met (yet), there’s something to be said about the collage that comes before me on the street. how people weave through each other and how you sometimes meet people and see aspects of yourself in them. the mystery and the beauty of it all is incredible. my own inspiration comes from those moments where my mind is idle and my eyes alert.

i’ve been reading a lot of barthes, and found this quote especially poignant,

What is the “you” you might or might not look like? Where do you find it- by which morphological or expressive calibration? Where is your authentic body? You are the only one who can never see yourself except as an image; you never see your eyes unless they are dulled by the gaze they rest upon the mirror or the lens (I am interested in seeing my eyes only when they look at you): even and especially for your own body, you are condemned to the repertoire of its images. (from Roland Barthes by Roland Barthes)

even though we can only see ourselves as an image, we do give a little part of ourselves to everything we make. as we try and make sense of who we are, we create, giving tiny pieces of ourselves away in the process. we may only be able to see ourselves via reflection, but i’d argue that the ‘real you’ could be found in those creations that you make. disregarding the fact that your hair or teeth may not be perfect, you become embodied via the works emanating from your own two hands.