So I’m back at the grind next Monday. But Tuesday-Thursday I’m going to see my grandparents at the beach and hang out with their fellow retiree friends. There will be no canasta or golf, but bike riding and happy hour will be in full swing, I’m sure. As I’ll soon be back in the cubicle, this may be my last time to drive down the coast to visit them for awhile. Plus, I try to never turn down an offer of visits from people who tell me lovely stories all day while also encouraging me to knit.

Lately when looking at job listings, wondering what the hell I’m going to do if the PhD programme I applied for (yesterday!) doesn’t work out. Most of you will recognize this as “Plan B.” I have no Plan B. I have never had a Plan B, which is most likely why I have a resume full of temporary jobs.

I think it’s time to start brainstorming, however, possibly for both a Plan B as well as a Plan C. I actually thought about whether or not I should make a real list on paper or just ponder. Then this made me realize why I’m sometimes slow about things, normal people would just pull out pen and paper and not think about the most efficient way to make a list. Only people like me (the Plan B-less) would fritter away such extravagant time on such a ridiculously trivial matter.

The majority of my problem exists in time management. I have none. I think that difficult things will take no time at all and that simple things will take ages. If only I would think back to year after year to every Science Fair I ever participated in- when the sun would rise and I would furiously be stapling my title (one year it was “Which Fabric Burns the Fastest?” No lie.) onto the board, racing against time and inevitably piercing my finger in the process.

What destiny awaits the procrastinator?

I’m not sure, but I’m pretty sure it probably won’t be grand.

I”m not proud either, but happy that in the end, despite an occasional night of lost sleep, everything gets done. Before the school bus arrives or the deadline passes.

Which brings us back to Plan B, or lack thereof. You would think that seeing all the projects I have lined up craft and writing-wise, I would have no end to careers I could pursue- as lists are my most favorite things.

But there’s something that’s stopping me from making that foray into a possible future into an unknown, outside from the even greater (and more imminent) fear of starvation, the fact that there are too many choices. I could come with plan after plan after plan of what I could do. But that doesn’t mean that any of them illustrate what I want to be doing.

Maybe that’s where I’m erring.

And just need to shoot for something that doesn’t make me want to fall asleep at my desk or run from the building daily screaming in frustration. While I’m plotting and planning something grander and more tailormade.

Even though I see many of my friends who run crafty businesses having difficulties with different aspects of their practice, they make me hopeful of the day that everyone who’s working ‘just to pay the bills’ will step away from their cubicle and live the kind of life they choose, making the world a better place with their creativity and genius, instead of running the cogs of a giant corporate wheel.

Maybe it’s just a pipe dream, but I’m strengthened everyday by your stories and your triumphs and your emails. Strengthened in the knowledge that maybe today, someone somewhere is quitting their 9 to 5 to make their dreams come true.

Thank you.

Many thanks to Belle & Sebastian for fuelling this moment of simultaneous mawkish introspection, revelation, annoyance and rejuvenation….