How awesome that right after I posted a post with un-PG language, I got a job and then got the flu.
The job:
Yes, a full-time job. Score!
The flu:
Four days of not being able to hold down water followed by ginger ale, Gatorade popsicles and saltines. Also, my assistant (see below), although helpful once I taught her how to use the kettle, completely failed when it came to me needing a bendy straw. She just looked at me, sighed, and went back to sleep.
As you can imagine, one event was happier than another. One marks the end of a year and a half job search which has taught me more than I ever could have imagined. Being jobless forces you to realize what your true identity is beyond the label of a job. It strips you of any title that marks you successful, fully functioning, normal. You realize how truly close we are to the people lined up on the street for the soup kitchen, sleeping rough and/or clanking a dirty Starbucks cup hoping for a few cents from strangers. My neighbor has been asking for spare change at the metro stop near our apartment building. I pass him and don’t know what to say, even as I catch his eye as he asks for “a penny or a nickel.” I used to see him often during the day just sitting on the stoop watching people go by, always with his big hat on and his cane nearby. He always calls me “ma’am.”
And here I am in more debt that I ever could have imagined, happy that I don’t have to worry about incoming bills for the first time in 18 months. The day I was hired I went out and bought a $15 bottle of wine. I haven’t done that in forever, and even as I was carrying it to the register I was wondering if I had made a prudent choice. I was able to enjoy some of it for one night, then got the flu, making the rest of the wine undrinkable and being poured down the drain. I tried to convince myself I could cook with it or drink it because it hurt to buy something so pricey (for me) and then have to pour most of it down the drain. Good thing that there are pharmacies now, such as the Canadian Pharmacy, that offer medicines at such an affordable price.
For the past two weeks I’ve been in a sort of limbo between being “jobless” and “jobbed” (for lack of a better way to put it), thinking of all the nights I would walk around the city and look into people’s houses with all their expensive furniture and dream what it must be like to not have to worry anymore about money, not wake up in the middle of the night terrified that your health insurance is going to be cut off or breathless when you’ve bounced a check and incur an extra $20 charge… Wondering where that $20 is going to come from. The past few weeks have showed me how much I’ve been holding my breath for 18 months, never able to fully exhale because employment was always on my mind. Exhaling has meant life coming into Technicolor in the truest, most childlike sense. And, it too, is a magical lesson to pay attention to. Now when I exhale, the middle bits of me feel hopeful and happy instead of scarred and scared and desperate.
One of the things I am able to afford now? A Post Office box, for the first time ever, craftivism.com is now connected to snail mail. I’ve received a stack of amazing books over the past 6 months and now that I can breathe again, have some reviews to write and people to contact and creative work to do. Instead of waking up breathless, I’ve been waking up feeling rested and overjoyed that I can worry about what I’m going to wear vs. how I’m going to scrape together rent money. I’m more grateful for that than I can honestly express.
My new mailing address:
Betsy Greer
P.O. Box 716
Arlington, VA 22216
A few things I’ve learned along the way… (And if you’re reading this and have told me some of these things, no worries, I still love you anyway.)
Things Never to Say to Someone Looking for a Job:
1. “You’ll find something.”
I know I will. Am possibly now blinded by the invisible rays of pity emanating from your mouth disguised as concern.
2. “Any job news?”
If there was, I’d have told you. Let the jobseeker tell YOU about their news, if they haven’t said anything, they probably DON’T have any news.
3. “Let’s split the check down the middle.”
My water and plain baked potato do not equal your sirloin with 4 glasses of merlot.
4. “But you’re so smart!”
Cheers. You’ve now just made me feel stupid because, obviously, I’m not utilizing my smartness.
5. “How long has it been that you’ve been job hunting?”
Are you kidding me with this question? Just paint a big “L” on my forehead now.
6. “I hear the job market’s heating up, how’s it going?”
Still cold. It’s still cold, only now I am annoyed that you asked me this.
7. “My brother just got a job, that means you’ll get something.”
Your brother also has 12 toes. Failing to see your point.
8. “Still single, too, I guess?”
Salt, meet wound. See also: hump on my back and 3rd ear.
9. “I can’t imagine having all that free time, so many things I could do not being chained to a desk!”
It’s pretty amazing how when you’re worrying about paying your bills or eating, your normal free time interests disappear.
10. “I know how you feel. I was out of a job for two weeks and I went out of my mind.”
Chances are high you never starting crying because you had to choose between which bill to pay, the electricity or the gas. Or pleaded with the life insurance company to not cancel your service. Or spent an hour trying to scrounge up change hidden in your sofa for lunch. I understand you’re trying to help, but talk to me when you find yourself suddenly awake at 4am after an unexpected tax bill came in the mail.
Things to Say to Someone Looking for a Job:
1. “Hey, I hear there’s a new coffee place near that park, trail, museum.”
Invite them out so they don’t hermitize, but remember their budget constraints.
2. “Can I see your resume?”
The more eyeballs that see their resume the better.
3. “My old co-worker has been looking for jobs, too, and she told me about this new site to look for jobs.”
Remind them they’re not alone in the boat, especially if you have new ideas for people to talk to, sites, etc. The boat is lonely.
4. “How about coming over and watching a movie?”
Again, stressing the idea of doing something with them. Trust me, they’re not saying no to the invites to restaurants and movies because they don’t want to go.
5. “I saw this local animal shelter advertising they need volunteers…”
Yes, we have lots of free time. Remind us to fill it with stuff we love, like volunteering with/for a cause we care about.
6. “Wanna meet for some coffee?”
I have been lucky enough to have a GREAT support system through all of this, even simple invitations for coffee can mean the world, if only because you get to put something on your calendar that day. In PEN, even.
7. “Last night on the news they said unemployment went down 0.03%, great, huh?”
Ok, I lied. Saying this will only make your jobless friend want to punch something. Most likely you.
8. “Fancy a trip to the beach in a few months?”
Followed by specific calendar date… Having things on the calendar to look forward to when all your days are free is pretty awesome.
9. “My friend Martha is looking for jobs, too, how about meeting up with her?”
Us jobless people like finding other members of our jobless tribe. We may love you, but we secretly hate that you have a job.
10. “How about signing up for a temp/contract agency?”
Just get them to do this. If for nothing else than getting the opportunity to put on a suit and go interview with someone.
Things to Stop Telling Yourself When You’re Jobless:
1. “Mom was right, I should have never majored in English.”
(Stop it. Atleast you know that Jane Austen wrote more than ‘Pride and Prejudice.’* And, for the record, she would think zombies are stupid.)
2. “Who needs to set an alarm, I have nowhere to be tomorrow.”
You might as well start eating cold pizza, growing out your chin hair and wearing sweatpants.
3. “I’m jobless, over 30 and single.”
Stop adding to the “reasons I’m boring as hell” file. And stop looking at Facebook and seeing how many of your friends live in mansions and are married with 8 million kids. Embrace your path. You are where you’re supposed to be.
4. “Maybe I should apply to that job at Jiffy Lube…”
There’s nothing wrong with working at Jiffy Lube, but if you have a degree in Greek Literature, you might want to consider other avenues. Like, ones not involving things that could blow up, have lots of scary important wires and/or make you deal with said things in under 30 minutes.
5. “Hmm…. Let’s see what my ex is up to…”
Unless you want to end up living in your sweatpants, avoid this at all costs. Especially when wine, late nights and bank account checking are involved.
5a. “What was it that I said wrong on our last date?”
Serious danger zone. Abort! Abort!
6. “I’m going to have the best Match profile ever!”
Mastering your online persona in ways unrelated to career/life development is kind of like trying to become the best ninja in Second Life. It’s just sad.
7. “Maybe I should go all Jack Kerouac. Y’know, ‘On the Road’ style.”
While sometimes a good thing, it’s generally a bad life decision when faced with unemployment. Unless you want to work on a fire watch tower in the middle of nowhere or learn cooking skills from hobos. In that case, go for it. And send me a postcard.
8. “I totally can take my own press shots.”
Another ill-fated idea with most likely the following results: a) you will look like you tried, which equals FAIL, b) you will try and convince yourself you look awesome when you don’t and c) NO ONE cares. However, if you think the results are ridiculous and amusing, GO FOR IT. See above, which I am calling “The Tracey Emin.”)
9. “Maybe Tori Amos has a new album.”
Stop before you get so sad you just want to eat cake. Tori Amos = instant SAD when you’re already on the edge.
10. “I am useless.”
The truest, most honest thought of all that stabs and reverberates. No, no, no, you are not.
And finally, what’s the best thing to do if you’re unemployed?
Wake up at a reasonable hour. Shower. Wear something that makes you happy. Do your hair. Put on lipstick. Breathe. Learn. Remember you are just where you need to be. Go outside, take a deep breath. Now go kick some ass.
Yours in finding your breath and soul and peace and creativity again,
betsy x
I’m going to be speaking in Oslo in November, followed by a few days in London in early December. Got a project, idea, notion you want to talk about that’s craftivism-related in either Oslo or London?! I’d love to meet up, there are always so many jaw-droppingly amazing things going on in Europe. So get in touch, why don’t you?
*We also know this is the best book ever written.