Actually a more correct title for this would be, “Got my (extreme lack of) money on my mind, and my (near to non-existent amount of) money on my mind, but I digress.

Lately I’ve been in contact with numerous farmers in regards to setting up some sort of apprenticeship or work agreement at a farm where I could learn traditional textile techniques. While I have established some amazing contacts, it has been a somewhat disheartening project at times.

While it’s no surprise that the cost of wool has plummeted, and that farming is hard work, I’ve been saddened to hear from individuals who are struggling to keep their farms going. Like one farmer, who writes that his farm: “operates either at a loss or, in a good year, with only a minuscule profit. We are only able to keep the company going by subsidizing it heavily through our other enterprises. We have kept it going as [my wife] is determined, as you are, to maintain the craft. We sell, on average, just one [knitted item] a week.” And another who notes, “We (like many other small farms) can’t afford to employ anyone – even ourselves.”

Nothing makes me happier than people have a passion for something. Some subject or notion or project that makes them come alive, eager to learn and wide-eyed. When I was working with troubled teens many years ago, the best part of my job was when they would enthusiastically yell, “Wow! Cool!” or “That is so neat!” (or given the time and place it was usually, “Wicked, innit?!”) The kids went from individuals just going through the motions to pure energy lit within. Years later, this reaction is my most cherished in other people, a reaction that is purely based of joy, honesty and interest.

During my own job hunt, I keep running into others in the same predicament who have the same soulless look in their eyes, somewhat like last call at the bar, only slightly less creepy and desperate- more disheartened and rejected. I feel like I’m banging my head against the wall, applying for job after job only to hear little. Somewhere along the line we all have seemed to have lost that spark of interest, that pure flash of fascination. A spark that diminishes with each CV and cover letter…

Until we remember what we’re intrigued by.

Then all bets are off.

I have made a little bit of headway in finding people to possibly work with for various lengths of time, which has been a great start. But I know that nonetheless, there is little that I can do to make the money worries (my own and that of others) go away. I know that I could constantly remind myself of the old adage that goes, “do what you love and the money will follow.”

I just wish that this adage had proved itself as sage advice to all the amazing people I know who are perpetually in debt… doing what they love. And still see little light at the end of the tunnel…until that spark of fascination comes roiling back reminding us of new project ideas and ventures and possibilities.

Perhaps the money will one day come. I wish that traditional textile techniques were recognized as more valuable, but who needs to know how to knit when you got machines and modernity, right?! I also wish that following your heart would equal an increase in one’s bank account, but I guess a girl can dream and keep her eyes open for that moment when someone dear shouts, “Wicked, innit?” and remember that there is more than life to financial gain. Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself.

Lately I’ve been reading a lot about art instead of listening to music. I’m especially enamoured with harrell fletcher and ellie harrison, whose work makes me happy.